So I’ve heard a million stories lately either from friends talking about their kids or articles posted on Facebook and have kinda kept my opinion to myself. Usually when a non-parent has an opinion regarding how a kid acts or is raised, we’re disregarded so what’s the point. Here are a few that have come to mind.
To vaccinate or not. No good parent would purposely risk their child getting sick or being diagnosed with an illness, and since there are “risks” either way, I guess a parent would have to weigh the likelihood and severity of what illness their child may get. A big story perpetuated by many (especially The View’s latest panel member, Jenny McCarthy) is that vaccines cause autism. “They” say there are harmful metals in vaccines that are linked to autism. From what I’ve read, this particular ingredient is either no longer used or is used in such low levels that many doctors and scientists agree there is a low likelihood that getting vaccinated today would increase the chances of autism. Fact is, we know so little about the cause that it’s too early to place blame. I don’t know of any reports of children dying of autism. I do hear a lot about how to work with kids with special needs. That teachers are being taught how to effectively teach these kids in mainstream classrooms. How most are as functional members of society as we are. I know I can’t catch autism from someone who has it. I do know that there are some painful complications from contracting mumps, which an unvaccinated person or person with immunodeficiencies can catch from a carrier. You can, although highly unlikely, die from complications caused by the virus. Polio can be transmitted too and have life changing affects to your body, including paralysis. To keep it short and sweet, to not vaccinate your child puts him or her at risk of not only contracting many horrible, life threatening diseases, it also places the general population at risk as the diseases are spread to those who are susceptible to illness including those who cannot be vaccinated due to allergies or other complications. I’d rather deal with a child whose needs are more individualized or who may be “different” than risk not only their life, but the lives of others.
Speaking of brand new babies, I read an article about a husband and wife who longed to have children but had not been successful at becoming pregnant. At some point in the wife’s life, she developed cancer. She had treated her cancer and had been in remission. As if her luck couldn’t get any better, she finally became pregnant. At the same time, found out her cancer had returned. For the sake of the baby, she chose not to undergo treatment for her cancer. During her pregnancy, her cancer spread. She gave birth to a healthy baby and she died of cancer about six weeks later. It’s a personal issue for sure, one that only the person going through it can decide for themselves. I could not have done the same. In life, there are no guarantees that you will reproduce a biological offspring of your own. It’s a hard fact to many people to accept. For the religious folks, The Lord works in mysterious ways. For the rest of us, scientifically every body is different. Life isn’t fair. It’s nobody’s fault. When you choose to get married, you have chosen that person. To “forsake all others.” You must acknowledge that certain things are outside of your control and choose to build a life with the person you vow to love, honor, and cherish until death. I would be mad as hell if I were the husband. I am not marrying my partner, the person I have chosen to love and spend my life with because of our mutual desire for something that is completely out of our control. I am marrying him because I want to spend my life with him. To continue experiencing things together. A man should choose to marry someone the want to spend a lifetime with, not for what the can give him. People say gays shouldn’t have kids because they cannot provide both a mother and father figure for the kid. This child will never know its mother. If children were so important to the couple, adopt. Give an unwanted child the greatest gift of all. Loving parents. Preserve the life you were lucky to have been given. She wanted children so badly, but put herself in a position to not experience motherhood. I know the other line of thinking is, it’s her child, she was willing to die to let her child live. I guess it goes back to what you consider a child to be and the whole abortion debate in a way.
Another topic in the news and being discussed is bullying and school violence. I read comments from people saying there never used to be incidents of violence as often as we see now. That’s partly true. It seems the number of victims has increased. But the overall population has grown. Class sizes and schools have gotten bigger. We live in a very connected (I wouldn’t consider us informed) world. We have Facebook and Twitter, CNN, HLN, MSNBC, FOX, etc giving us multiple formats to get information any minute. We post, repost, like, share. 20-30 years ago we had 3 networks that had 30 to 60 minutes per day to report the world’s news. A teenager who killed himself because he was bullied didn’t make the cut. Neither did a kid who killed his schoolmate. People say kids these days are coddled. Parents are overprotective or don’t discipline their kids. We say that a good ass beating is what some of these kids need. In some cases yes. In others, it’s the ass whoopings or the negative attention they get that cause them to be violent. It’s never being told no. It isn’t always the parents fault. In many, it’s mental illness. In many others, it’s an extreme reaction or a cry for attention. In a way, the constant attention to these incidents can be good. It can teach us that kids not only need a positive role model in their lives, but that mental illness is a serious situation that needs to be taken seriously and we need more tools to help these kids. We need to see what happens to kids who are bullied so badly they think suicide is the only way out. Hopefully it creates a discussion for kids to learn that suicide is not the answer. Hopefully bullies see the possible consequences of their actions and think twice before bullying someone. Hopefully we can get serious about gun control in this country. Hopefully we can get serious about treating mentally ill people, starting with youths. It can also be bad. It makes us numb. It’s just another news story. Bad things happen all the time so no use in worrying about it. Kids see the attention these bullies or murderers get and follow their example. They see judges being lenient, the “affluenza”‘verdict comes to mind.
Finally, let’s get away from death, illness, and violence. Are your kids spoiled? What is considered spoiled these days? Looking back, I consider the teenage Paul to have been somewhat spoiled. In the 90’s, kids were getting pagers. Zach Morris on Saved by the Bell had a cell phone. He was my idol. So when I was in high school, I was one of the few kids who had a cell phone. Granted, I was probably 17 or 18, but NONE of my friends at the time had a cell phone. I also had a car. Most of my friends had regular access to their parents cars, or later in high school bought or inherited a car. When I was 16 I had a car that was 7 years old. That wasn’t bad for a kid back then. The understanding was I was paying my parents back for the car, but more and more regularly payments were missed and eventually the loan was forgotten. Too bad real life isn’t this way. I mention all this not to brag, but to compare my history with what I’ve witnessed with kids I’ve considered somewhat spoiled. First, my two favorite teenagers. When they became teenagers (their 13th birthday) I was surprised to see the we’re getting iPhones. Sure, it wasn’t the newest model iPhone but one nonetheless. I tried to remind myself that this technology is cheaper than back when I was their age and a lot of kids their age had phones. I convinced myself that for those reasons, they weren’t spoiled, they were lucky, just as I was. Who knows, it may just be my own bias though. Fast forward a year to another person I know. This person has several children who, at the age of 9, are allowed to get an iPhone. The main purpose isn’t to keep tabs on them (like it may be for the 13 year olds) but for them to text, Facebook, and play video games on. NINE YEARS OLD! I’ve asked some other parents about that and the consensus is between 13 and 16 is the right age for cell phones. The consensus is a 9 year old with a smartphone is spoiled. We’ve also recently heard of a kid who was given a car but complained about it. It’s a free car! Is it normal for a 16 year old to not be required to work to pay for a car and just be given one? It wasn’t for us. And even though, for me, the initial expectation was to pay for my car, it didn’t have air conditioning. No A/C in Arizona in June through August is torture. But I had my own car. And I was thankful for what I had. I never would have thought about complaining. One thing to consider is the community in which you live. Obviously rich kids in Scottsdale are expected to be spoiled. Middle class families with mouths to feed, you tend not to expect the kids to get these luxuries. Do you consider this spoiled?
So there ya go, just some observations I’ve made recently. Who knows. Maybe one day I’ll be a parent and see things in a different light.
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